By Leiza Clark
The term forgiveness often becomes difficult to understand because of various misconceptions about its meaning. People commonly mistake forgiveness for condoning bad behaviour, or accepting unfair treatment. They believe that if we forgive, we are ‘letting people off the hook’ or releasing offenders from their responsibility, or simply denying our past pains and injustices.
True forgiveness exists independently from the actions of others. It’s only about you, the process of forgiveness enables you to recover the part of your identity that has remained confined to the past injustice.
Carrying resentment creates a burden that resembles a heavy backpack loaded with rocks. Each unresolved hurt and betrayal and unaddressed grievance adds weight to the backpack your carrying around. People who have carried their burden of injustices for extended periods, experience the weight as their new normal. The process of forgiveness enables you to release that heavy burden.
Why Forgive?
- Our subconscious mind and autonomic nervous system (ANS), cannot distinguish between past and present experiences – when you recall painful memories. Your body experiences the pain ‘now’ in the present moment, whenever you think about past painful events. Your heart rate changes, your breath shortens, stress hormones surge. The act of remembering past injustices or memories through repetition causes you to subconsciously experience the same physical and psychological harm again and again.
The process of forgiveness cuts off this continuous cycle. Your nervous system a chance to recover from its previous state through the disruption of memory-physiology feedback loops.
- The practice of holding resentment leads to substantial energetic loss. Carrying anger or bitterness throughout your life requires significant mental and physical resources. The practice of holding resentment can diminish your ability to experience joy, creativity and can damage your ability to build trust in relationships. The energy it takes to hold onto past resentments and events takes its toll on your mental capacity, as you’re using up your valuable mental resources. The process of forgiveness creates new available headspace. Forgiveness operates as an energy-saving method rather than an energy leakage practice.
- The process of forgiveness operates independently from the need for reconciliation between parties. The act of forgiveness does not require any future contact with the person you forgive. Forgiveness enables you to establish protective boundaries, while maintaining forgiveness. Forgiveness requires no public declaration to others. Forgiveness operates as an individual inner decision, which does not require agreement, acceptance or feedback from any other.
- The practice of forgiveness enables you to take control of your life. The decision to forgive brings you into a state of personal control. You take control of your relationship with past experiences by making choices about how you want to interact with them. Through forgiveness you take back control of your life story by refusing to accept the role of victim. The experience of freedom surpasses the need to prove whose ‘right’ in the past situation. We maintain our sense of being ‘right’ through holding onto past injuries. But at what cost? The ability to stop identifying as a victim of wrong-doing becomes available to you when you forgive. When you choose forgiveness, you gain freedom instead of maintaining your need to be ‘right’ or to be ‘correct’.
The process of forgiveness allows people to release their burdens instead of providing excuses for others.
The process of forgiveness resembles the act of releasing a tightly clenched hand. Your grip has become so tight that your fingers have turned completely white. The initial sensation of release creates an unusual feeling which makes you feel like you have lost something. The blood starts to flow back and your energy returns as you discover your hand still exists for purposes beyond the simple grasping.
The process of forgiveness does not remove past events, but it frees you from their controlling influence. Through forgiveness you will regain your life energy-force and your sense of peace in the present moment and your future prospects.
Forgiveness stands as a powerful self-care practice which brings complete liberation to the human experience.
So, why forgive?
Not because they deserve it. Not because it erases the wound.
We forgive, because it’s your right to freedom, forgiveness exceeds your obligation to bear the burden of carrying this weight on your own.